A happy pit bull.228. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.349. Because she grew out of her B-shells. We’ll get a bag at the airport’.143. Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly.279. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.
Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.346. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.102. But it's always important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have.Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers.Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers.
First woman: My son came to visit for summer vacation. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Got two minutes to spare? Did you meet him at the airport? You're going to want to add these to your collection of beach sayings and find a place for them in your home. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.304. But it’s still on the list.7. 16.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.243. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.8. Women should not have children after 35.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.111.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.134. The difference between fiction and reality? Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?324. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!94. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”78. How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, ‘Fuck it – just grab a pile of shit. It’s not how good your work is, it’s how well you explain it.265. 14. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.62. Insanity is hereditary.
A train station is where a train stops. Light travels faster than sound. Summer!How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’190.
Snore and you sleep alone365. I’m actually much greater than I think I am.189. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.240. If you've got beach sand stuck in your soul, then this is the post for you. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.316. Do not argue with an idiot. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.352. This isn’t an office. 1. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.89. Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.100. Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.124. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.31.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish? I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.357.
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